Read by Charla Devine at Norma's Ohio memorial

Miss You by David Cory

Miss you, miss you, miss you;
Everything I do
Echoes with the laughter
And the voice of You.
You're on every corner,
Every turn and twist,
Every old familiar spot
Whispers how you're missed.

Miss you, miss you, miss you!
Everywhere I go
There are poignant memories
Dancing in a row.
Silhouette and shadow
Of your form and face,
Substance and reality
Everywhere displace.

Oh, I miss you, miss you!
How I miss you, Girl!
There's a strange, sad silence
'Mid the busy whirl,
Just as tho' the ordinary
Daily things I do
Wait with me, expectant,
For a word from You.

Miss you, miss you, miss you!
Nothing now seems true
Only that 'twas heaven
Just to be with You.

Celebrating Norma

Over the next few weeks, I'll be posting comments about Norma that were spoken at her memorial in Ohio.

Here's the first entry, written by Dave Woodyard, read by his wife Joanne:
By Granville standards, Norma was not among us very long. But her presence was enduring -- she taught us how to live and in time, she taught us how to die. Some do both and some do one.

Norma did both. She lit a candle in this gifted community that shone even on a bright day, and by night illuminated every dark corner. That candle will continue to burn and cast its light among us as long as each of us lives by what she taught us.

Read at Norma's memorial in Ohio

My dear friend, Norma,

When I think of Norma, I think of how she embraced life fully. I think too of the legacy of scientist/writer Rachel Carson and her book A Sense of Wonder because Norma lived that sense of wonder and shared it with those around her.

The first time I met Norma, was at a picnic of several families. In a stream of conversation I remembered her saying that she needed a new kitchen floor, but that would not be installed because more important was their desire to travel with Dawn and Lisa who were young girls at the time. I was impressed.

I have many memories of special times with Norma. Another memory when she shared a sense of wonder was when she took my daughters Lori and Erin and me tramping through the woods near their home on Trestle Road in Highland to teach us about spring plants and flowers—showing us the May Apples and the Jack in the Pulpit and the Trillium—all new to us.

And she more recently shared that sense of wonder right here in Granville when Erin and Rebecca and I came to visit. We walked the bike path, spotting the deer, checking out the community garden, and even seeing the neighborhood skunk—not to mention the many birds and plants that always thrived in her presence.

We parted after learning the latest card games, and we play them all year long—always remembering the fun times we had around her table. We played “hand and foot” last weekend as part of our tribute to her. I have shared books, quotes, tears, laughter, wine and many cups of tea with Norma through the past 30 or so years. We discovered that cranberry tea never tastes so good alone as it does when shared with a dear friend. I will miss her so.

-- Donna Singleton, long-time friend from Highland, IL

Jane Montz's tomato wild rice soup

One of my mom's dear Ohio friends, Jane Montz, made this delicious soup for us just after my mom died. It warmed our hearts and bellies.

She delivered it to my dad's place with crusty bread, salmon cream cheese spread and a bottle of wine. Here's the recipe for Jane's tomato wild rice soup.

Saute:
3 T. butter
3 T. olive oil
1 med. Onion, chopped
1-2 carrots, chopped
1 large stalk celery

Add & simmer for about 1 hr or until rice is no longer crunchy:
6 lrge tomatoes or 2 16-oz. cans chopped tomatoes
2 c. chicken stock
½ c. wild rice (one little box of Reese’s wild rice)

Swirl in before serving:
½ c. cream (or a bit more, like I do)
2 T. fresh basil, chopped (I like to add more)

Peace

This candle burned on November 19th in my mom's bedroom. It's a peace candle and I thought it appropriate for my mom's vigil. It sat on my mom's desk alongside Emily and Paul's baby pictures. Classical music played in the background.

Ralph and Norma

A photo of Ralph and Norma's hands a few days after their 48th wedding anniversary. My mom had her nails done a week before she died.

Norma's obituary

Norma Irene (Heimann) Ottensmeier, age 67, of Granville, OH died November 19, 2009, in her home, embraced by her husband and two daughters. Norma was born July 23, 1942, in Damiansville, IL, to Louis and Nora (Horstmann) Heimann, who both preceded her in death. Norma is also preceded in death by her brother Lester Heimann. Norma received her Bachelors of Science in Education degree from Southern Illinois University in 1971, and her Masters of Arts in Speech Communications from SIU in 1993. She retired in 2002 from the Central Community High School, in Breese, IL, where she served as librarian for 18 years. Norma was an avid reader, gardener, loved to play cards, and took great delight in her grandchildren Emily and Paul. Norma is survived by her husband of 48 years, Ralph; children Dawn Ottensmeier and Lisa (Brian) Crock. She is also survived by a brother, Melvin (Yvonne) Heimann, and sisters Aurea (Dave) Frerker, Audrey (Ron) Kolar, Grace Walker, Marlene (Allan) Carmack, Donna (John) Goldman, Lois (Rodger) Kalmer, and numerous nieces and nephews.

Norma was a blessing to all who knew her kind and generous ways. She was loved by all and will be greatly missed.

A private memorial Mass is planned for Ohio. A second memorial celebration of Norma’s life will be held in Illinois at a later date. Contributions in Norma’s memory may be made to Hospice of Central Ohio, 2269 Cherry Valley Rd., Newark, OH 43055.

November 19th, 2009 3:30 pm

Embraced by Ralph, Lisa and me, Norma passed away today at 3:30 p.m. It was a beautiful, peaceful death. She shifted from labored, quickened breaths, to a slower, paused pace. And then, she didn't breath again. We cried, and we held her, and we cried some more. And now, there's some relief in knowing that she's no longer feeling any pain. She's at peace, and for that, we're grateful.

There will be a private memorial in Ohio, and a second "celebration of life" in Illinois, at a future date.

We are truly blessed to have had Norma in our lives, and will miss her in ways that are difficult to fathom. We've also been blessed by the love that has surrounded her in so many wonderful ways. Heartfelt thanks to each and every one of you who have held her in your thoughts and prayers. I know she has a special place in each of your hearts.

Here's to a very special woman, mother, grandmother, wife and friend. Raise a glass to Norma. That's what she'd want you to do.

Peace

Norma is home now (as of November 10th) and since then, you'll see six entries below of how she's spent her time. Precious, but challenging time. Since last Wednesday, when we celebrated Norma and Ralph's 48th anniversary, she's gone through a great deal of change. Each day, she has felt more discomfort and her pain medications are adjusted and increased. With that, she's more and more altered. Her body is getting weak and she sleeps more. She needs help moving from her bed to the wheel chair. She hates that we have to see her go through this decline. What's left of her independence is challenged, and as you can imagine, she's not happy about that.

Pray for her peaceful departure.

Saturday, 11/14

A beautiful day in Ohio, sunny and 75 degrees. Pictured here bottom row: Lisa, Norma, and my mom's sister Aurea from Illinois. Top row: Mom's sister Donna from Chicago, and Dawn.

Almost-Thanksgiving Dinner, 11/14

This past Saturday, we had a Thanksgiving dinner and decorated the table with Christmas placemats and candles. My mom made it to the table, in her wheel chair, and joined us for a delicious meal with baked chicken, mashed sweet potatoes, cranberry relish, green bean casserole and pies for dessert. We all spent the day preparing the meal and enjoying each other. Pictured here are Lisa and Brian, my mom's sisters Aurea and Donna, and Ralph and Emily. Paul and Dawn were there too.

Donna, Norma and Aurea 11/14/09

My mom's sister Donna pictured with Norma just after a shower. Her other sister, Aurea had just finished making a pumpkin pie and pampered my mom by feeding her a piece still warm from the oven.

Mom and Lisa

My mom tires easily and is in this positon quite often. Here's Lisa in bed with her, just before a nap.

48th Anniversary

Norma and Ralph celebrated their 48th anniversary on Wednesday, November 11th. We set a beautiful table with my mom's best china, candles, a small bouquet for each of us and assembled around a feast of pasta that my sister cooked up! It was a lovely evening, finished off with homemade custard, lemon cake and a game of Apples to Apples.

Thursday 11/12

Norma mustered up enough energy to have a manicure last Thursday. Here she is with Annie. I had a pedicure while waiting!

Monday

Yesterday, my dad took my mom to the hospital. She’d been altered and confused for several days, even with a managed reduction in her pain meds. When she started feeling nauseous and vomiting this past Saturday night and again on Sunday morning, her hospice nurse and primary care doctor decided to admit her so she can be closely monitored and her meds can be more quickly adjusted. She's a bit better today -- the nausea is gone and she's more alert. The goal is to strike a manageable balance between her pain, nausea and mental clarity. Finding that balance can be a challenge, but she's in very good hands on the hospice floor at Licking Memorial Hospital.

My dad took my mom to the hospital yesterday morning. She’s been altered and confused for several days, even with a managed reduction in her pain meds. Saturday night she started vomiting and feeling nauseous again. Sunday morning was more of the same. Her hospice nurse and primary care doctor decided to admit her so she can be closely monitored and so they can more quickly manage her meds. My mom wanted to go, which really surprised my dad. So, she’s on the hospice floor in the Cancer Center.

Hospice

Norma continues to make the best of each day, but nausea and fatigue make most days difficult. The past month has been especially challenging for her. She’s always been a ‘foodie’ so it’s frustrating that most food doesn’t taste good or stay down. A pharmacy of medicines and doses assist in varying degrees of success.

While the chemotherapy has helped my mom in many ways, it also contributes to these grueling side effects. And, the treatments have reached their peak in terms of keeping the cancer at bay. Given that reality, and the way my mom feels, she has decided to suspend chemo treatments and initiate hospice care. This provides access to a team of health care providers dedicated to making her comfortable.

Initially, an RN visits her at home every other day and helps in managing her meds. Care is adjusted as needed and for now, they are determined to keep her out of pain and eliminate the nausea.

This doesn’t stop her from enjoying life with her family and friends. In fact, she and Ralph, accompanied by Lisa and Emily, drove to Indianapolis this past Saturday and met Ray and me for lunch, a 3-hour one at that. She napped in the car as needed, and was thrilled to be sitting next to Emily in the back seat. Emily is so dear to her.

Keep sending those prayers her way. They mean a lot.

Cosmos, Carrots and Carolyn

Two of my dad's favorite activities: tending to the garden and spending time with Emily. We recently harvested the last of the carrots and picked enough cosmos to make a beautiful bouquet for Norma. I took a bag of carrots home to St. Louis and the rest were used to make a carrot souffle, made famous by Carolyn Johnson. She generously made this dish as part of a meal she sent over for Ralph and Norma. The recipe is below.

Carrot Soufflé from the kitchen of Carolyn Johnson

1 lb. carrots, peeled and chopped
3 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup butter, melted
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Bring carrots and water to cover to a boil in a medium saucepan
2. Cook for 45 minutes or until tender
3. Drain
4. Process carrots in a food processor or blend until smooth
5. Stir together carrot puree, eggs and remaining ingredients
6. Spoon into a lightly greased 1-quart baking dish
7. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until set

Devine Farms

My mom and dad are good friends with Charla and Ralph Devine, owners of Devine Farms, a favorite destination this time of year. We enjoyed a hay ride, sloppy joe sandwiches and apple cider. Paul raced me through the cornfield maze. He's in much better shape than I am!

Norma pictured with Paul in her pumpkin hat, a gift from Charla.

The Pie Lady

Mom and I made our rounds at the final (and coldest)
Granville Farmer's Market for the year. Picture here are Norma and our favorite baker, Sue Renner of "Sue's Kitchen". We can't resist her pies. This time it was peach.

Rest

My mom has not been one to rest much in her life (too much to do and see) but that's what she is having to do now. At first she resisted it. Then she was mad about it because she felt unproductive. Now, she's eased into realizing her body needs it and she lets herself. She might have a morning full of errands or a game of bridge with her card-playing buddies, but then she takes a nap. And she never misses watching a game of Emily or Paul's after that.

She continues to be well-managed by her team of doctors and nurses. She trusts them completely. They see her every Monday, and sometimes more often if a treatment is scheduled. They call to check on her, and they request that she checks in with them, daily if necessary. She and her chief oncologist, Dr. Laufman have a plan, and they shake on it.

I'm headed to Ohio this weekend. Enjoy the photos below from a recent trip Norma made to St. Louis. Expect more photos next week.

Art Weekend in St. Louis

While in St. Louis at the end of September, Mom and I attended several quilt exhibitions that are part of the Innovations in Textiles symposium.
Mom's been coming to St. Louis to participate in this event for the past several years. This year was no different.
Pictured with Norma is friend and artist Sun Smith-Foret, who had just lectured on her exhibition, "Silver Screen Quilts: Art about Movies" at the Duane Reed gallery.

Art St. Louis

Art St. Louis has a new, beautiful gallery and Mom and I went to the opening of a "Fiber Focus" show just after seeing Quilt National, the exhibit that travels from Ohio to St. Louis. Mom is always my guest at the sponsorship event where we get a preview of 75 award-winning art quilts.

We had a great art-viewing weekend, with time for good food and a few naps.

Norma's favorite massage therapy team in St. Louis

Whenever Norma visits St. Louis, a massage with Theresa Paskas, a veteran body worker, is a must! She is joined here by assistant Sarah. They take very good care of Norma and always love having the chance to work on her.

Great friends, family and food in St. Louis

While in St. Louis last weekend, Norma had a chance to have dinner with dear friends Drs. Don and Judie Chaney at Trattoria Branica in Kirkwood. Delicious!
And, you can always count on a fine dining experience at Frank Papa's, an Italian restaurant in Brentwood. At Frank's, were were joined by the Central High School gang and Ray.
Pictured are Norma, Frank Papa and Dawn, and below that are Dawn and Norma and Vicki, Dixie, Andi and Jim Groff.

Gathering at Aurea and Dave's 9/27/09

We had a couple of impromptu gathering at Aurea and Dave's place in Glen Carbon, Illinois when Norma was recently in St. Louis.

Pictured above are Aurea (my mom's oldest sister) and Lois (my mom's youngest sister) and they are both fabulous, efficient cooks. They take after their mother/my Grandma who raised nine children, prepared 3 square meals a day for her family and the hired hands on the farm, raised chickens, managed my grandfather (Louie) and still had time to quilt. By the time grandkids and great grandkids came along, she was preparing holiday feasts for more than 40 people. It was nothing for her to make a dozen pies before lunch. Aurea and Lois are like that too.


Four of the 9: Aurea, Norma, Lois and Melvin, joined by husbands, kids and grandkids.

Field hockey and soccer

Donna, my mom's sister from Chicago, Dr. Petryk, mom's family doctor, and Norma watch Granville's field hockey team. Dr. Petryk's daughter plays on the same team as Emily, who is the goalie this year, seen below blocking a shot. Below that...Lisa, and all of her expertise in field hockey (she's a quick study!), is the manager of the team, along with her good friend Tara Parsley.

Next photo: Paul playing soccer. He's a great kicker and towers above most of the other players. Sometimes he's the goalie.

And now you what weekends are like in Granville.

Brussel sprouts, coming up!

Ralph's plot at the community garden produced the best-tasting brussel sprouts. He wasn't too sure about growing them, and they started out as pathetic-looking plants, but they flourished with his tender, loving care. Here, Lisa and Emily assist in the final prep for dinner.